the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize