the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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