So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize