On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Someone came in the potted fern
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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