We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
