the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
