i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Sacagawea was the original milf.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
