I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
