I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
