I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
