If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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