I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
