I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
