he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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