i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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