Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
