Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
