so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
