he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
two words: eviction party
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
