fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
