I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
whose parrot is this?
I love you. Go after that dick
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
