I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
