i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
