Who did Billy Mays play for?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
