Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize