At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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