She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
