You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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