did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
