I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
