Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
