remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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