Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
