Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
