I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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