you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
