The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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