Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
