Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
