I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
