Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
