From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
