the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
