You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
someone owes me an orgasm
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
