So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
