I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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