Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
