I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
