the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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