I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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