i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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