Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
