...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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