K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
did i just pee glitter
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
