____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
