Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize