im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
