My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
