Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
