I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
