Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
