the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
