I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
