so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
