really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
