never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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