Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
