just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I didn't notice because vodka
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
