her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Someone came in the potted fern
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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