OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
