it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
