If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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