Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
