weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
