how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
