He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
